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I just got the teacher feed back and I want you to fix my essay

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeTitle & Introduction

~An original and appropriate title is used. ~ The introduction starts generally and ends specifically. ~The topic of television is introduced/contextualized before the article is mentioned. ~The article title, source, and author are mentioned in the summary of the article. ~The audience, purpose, and tone are identified.

1_A thesis/purpose statement ends the introduction, which tells the reader what the body paragraphs will accomplish.

(teacher feedback) begin your essay with a general statement about the topic before introducing the article.

2-Body Paragraphs

~Body paragraphs have a clear topic sentence which identifies which strategy the writer will discuss. ~ topic sentence is supported with ample evidence from the article. ~Each example (quote) is integrated effectively. ~Each example is explained/analyzed clearly. ~Each body paragraph ends with a concluding sentence. ~Body paragraphs flow clearly from one to the next (logical progression/transitions used)

(teacher feedback) Work on your analysis. Right now, what follows your quotes is summary, not an analysis of how/why the quote is an example of that appe


~The conclusion starts specifically by restating the thesis. ~An overall evaluation of the article is provided without bringing up new points/information. ~The conclusion ends with a global statement.

(TEACHER FEEDBACK) Evaluate Greenfield’s use of strategies more explicitly.

4-Templates, Grammar, & MLA

~5-10 templates from They Say/I Say are underlined. ~Grammar mistakes do not prevent the reader from understanding the writer’s points. ~Proper MLA formatting is used.

(TEACHER FEEDBACK) Work on sentence structure and word choice.


Please review the grading rubric for your scores and comments submit your new draft with all changes highlighted. Please send me a message in the Canvas Inbox if you have any questions or concerns.

all changes highlighted

all changes highlighted

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